Friday, May 20, 2011

Close your eyes.

Probably better if you go full screen for this or better yet just close your eyes.

My frame of reference seems unique and unhealthy. There's been so much laughter, so much joy. I've worked at the coalface of it's production with some of the most intrepid miners of my generation. Gusts, gales of merriment are produced in otherwise barren public spaces by folk who unlock gates and swing them open and orchestrate glee in the moment.

Yet decades of melancholia weigh on me and it's increasingly uncomfortable. What do I have to let go of?

I'm cradled in a facility. I cannot function properly it seems. I have to force myself to eat because my inclination is not to. I think I try really hard. I cannot be given what I need. People who try stagger off exhausted. I'm aware that I live in a paradise and yet this self pity is just blightful.

The world sails on and the best I can do is close my eyes and listen.

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